A leader, if s/he is going to be an integrator, someone who creates a learning environment and practices mutual respect, to be one, they must be trained to take pain and, as a result, be able to be patient and tolerant.
That happens when we recognize the sovereignty of the other party to be different. And that is done by being patient to hear the other party till the end, tolerant to what you hear and not jump right away to express your disagreements. And be careful not to fall into the watch syndrome. Furthermore, do not show pain during the discussion
For that, self-discipline is required. There is no good communication without discipline.
Here is a short sample of how the Adizes Symbergetic™ Management methodology handles it, how we train people to be patient, tolerant and handle pain.
The moment someone starts interrupting another person who is speaking, the more conscious and self-controlled person—even if not directly involved in the discussion—should immediately shout, “Hard Rules!” The parties must then comply.
Hard Rules: one person speaks and no one is allowed to interrupt. When the person talking finishes talking, and they are the only one to know when they are finished, they pass the right to speak to the next person sitting on their right. Notice, call the first person on the right even if that person raised his hand to speak last. This requires type (E) and (P)s to wait for their turn to speak. That develops PATIENCE. In the meantime, as they wait for their turn, they learn from others something they did not think about and it increases mutual respect. By not interfering with what others are saying, by waiting for their turn to speak, and in the process learn something from others, they develop TOLERANCE. And now here it is how to reduce PAIN.
One cannot stop having pain listening to someone who says thing that you strongly disagree with. Since you cannot stop having pain you need to learn how to control the pain.
One releases itself of the pain by showing the pain, by talking in high tones and interrupting the other person from speaking.
In Adizes we free the pain not through the mouth but though the hands. In a meeting you must have paper and pen. Write down how you feel because of the pain you have, like “This is nonsense... this is really upsetting me." Get all your emotions out on paper but never share that page. By writing how you feel you free yourself from how you feel. Try it.
Also write down your questions, doubts and disagreements to what is being said. Then present only questions as questions. When you finish with questions present your doubts but also as questions and when that is done you might present your disagreements. This time should not be as a question, but a presentation presented quietly and respectfully.
If you can communicate with patience, tolerating differences in arguments or conclusions and expressing your pain on paper that no one will see, you might have positive, constructive communication.
Good luck. I hope this helps.
